Finding Your Voice - Dori Blitzstein
Dori Blitzstein, Owner and VP of Roesel-Heck, a flooring distributor in Maryland, and recently inducted NAFCD Board Chair at the WIFI Education Session at the NAFCD Convention in Colorado Springs on 11/16/23:
Yesterday, I spoke to the association about my passion for mentoring talent. But today, I intend to share my journey toward leadership and, as announced by WIFI through linkedin, being an industry “trailblazer”. I am honored to be spoken of so eloquently by the powerhouse females who broke ground and created this affinity group. I am humbled to be recognized for my work and efforts. Thank you.
I wrote these words that I am going to read to you and in reviewing it, I realized that it’s a love letter to my daughter… some of these insights I already shared with her as she grew up and some new. As Halle embarks on her new journey as a female attorney who is getting married and plans for a family, I hope that she embraces some of her Mom’s experiences and learns just a little bit of wisdom to help her out when things get tough.
When I was a little girl, my mother would tell me things like “you can be anything you want to be” and “don’t be a follower, you’re a leader!” And I believed her and wanted to make her proud.
If you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I likely would have told you that I just wanted to be “the boss”. You see, I was one of the bossy girls. I had to be in charge, everyone had to listen to me, and I had a clear direction of the games I wanted to play, from dress-up to Barbie’s to riding bikes. My older brother, a brilliant doctor, taught me one thing that always resonated with me. If someone asks you “what is the square root of negative I”, you then respond confidently: “negative I”. I only recently learned that he was only messing with me, but what does this have to do with my journey toward leadership? This strategy taught me that whenever I am asked questions, it is not always the response that matters, but it’s the way you say it. Now, I’m not sure that is always the right way to go, especially in flooring, but I do recognize the merit in holding yourself up in a confident manner.
I began my career in the non-profit world, where I learned to care about people rather than money. During my very first employee evaluation as a young professional, I was told by a board member, who was also a psychiatrist, that I am overly confident and when you are overly confident that means that you are not confident at all. I’m not so sure she was right. I never considered myself “overly confident”. What does that even mean? I knew my job, I knew I did it well, and I also knew that as a young working mom, I had to do my job better than anyone else. There was no room for mistakes or ignorance. I made myself valuable to my supervisors and I did that by exhibiting confidence, following through on tasks, and communicating well. I wasn’t a good employee, I was a great employee!
In 2007, I joined my husband Rob to run our business, Roesel-Heck Company, a wholesale flooring distributor, which he had recently purchased and now I was learning to care about people AND money. This transition threw off everyone’s ideas of who I was and what I was capable of doing. I knew absolutely nothing about flooring. My mom thought I was Rob’s secretary. I’m not sure that’s even a position anymore! My father thought we had bought a retail store. I was hazed by the employees. Rob’s former boss and former owner of the company had a 3-year work contract. He believed a women’s place in business was solely at the order desk. The managers didn’t want to share information with me. The warehouse guys got in my face and were disrespectful. The office staff ignored me. Existing suppliers never looked my way during meetings. Soliciting suppliers never learned my name. I was truly a fish out of water. The only way I began to learn was to jump in the water fully and immerse myself. So that’s what I did. I jumped in.
Being a female in the flooring industry has not been an easy ride and working with your spouse doesn’t work for everyone. But for us, it works beautifully. We figured out how to navigate our way successfully. Rob and I disagree on many things pertaining to the business, I believe we use different part of our brain to analyze our best practices and decisions, but we always find common ground. We run our business much like we run our home. Rob has a niche carved out for himself – at home, it’s the kitchen. At work, it’s the finances. He stays in his zone. I stay in mine and throughout the years, my business zone has increased to include all parts of the business, and a bit of understanding of the finances.
And here’s why – when you’re a woman in a male industry, you can’t just be good, smart, and know your job. It’s just not enough. I can tell you honestly and through experience, that to succeed as a female, you need to be well versed in numbers and know how your entire company operates. You must be able to think on your feet and be witty, concise, and worldly. At some time in your professional life, you will be in a circle of men addressing a subject in a department that you are not involved in, and you will feel that you need to add into that conversation. And you can, so long as you have armed yourself with knowledge.
Know a bit about HR and employee vs company rights; know about taxes and how they apply to your business; know employment laws, current events, updates about your competitive products, and the people who run the businesses. Please know the difference between advertising, public relations, and marketing! Read Floor Covering Weekly, Floor Covering News, Floor Focus, Floor Daily… all the trade magazines that give you information. Create a linkedin profile and connect with leaders and stay up to date with what the industry is doing. Involve yourself in as much as possible and don’t allow anyone to tell you that you can’t do something. Be able to make conversation with the men because there are more of them and we have to play on the playground with them. Make it your business to be known. Don’t be scared to reach out and ask questions. As a female, don’t just work the room, command the room. I’m 4’11” and most people don’t realize that I’m short. I’m fairly certain that’s because my voice is loud, I speak with passion, I think quickly and have excellent comebacks, and I’m not scared to throw myself into new situations and try new things. All to better myself and my company.
I attended a few WIFI power hours, and I specifically want to site the session called “The Power of Branding.” While I do not actually spend time creating my own brand through any social media platform, I can relate to the overarching meaning of it. I am self-aware, and I am confident that I come off differently to different people. I’d surmise that when my counterparts, my suppliers, and my employees describe me, they would use words such as concise, realistic, argumentative, emotional, knowledgeable, tough, resilient. But I hope they would also use the words engaging, funny, optimistic, caring, creative. I hope I can be all those descriptions plus more to all people. But I know that’s not possible. And because I work with the person I married, I have a real time witness to the bias that is evident in this industry. I’d like to open the discussion for a bit.
1- You are the only female on a team of men and are often interrupted by your male co-workers. How do you take back the room when that happens?
2- During meetings, you notice questions are directed to your male counterpart. How do you get the room to speak and listen to you?
3- In social settings with male supervisors, suppliers, or executive management, you are being referred to as feisty, egotistical, or aggressive among other such adjectives with negative connotations. How do you change that narrative?
4- What is one piece of advice you would give your 25 year old self in navigating your career?
5- How have you been successful in navigating equality for yourself in the boardroom or in your daily work responsibilities?
6- How do you show your value in advocating for a raise or promotion?
7- How have you been successful in getting support for yourself professionally when in reality, women tend to balance more home responsibilities with work?
WIFI was created because of a need. A need for women to learn from other industry women and share inspiration, motivation, and understanding. I have a pet peeve which really gets me going. I don’t like when women or men say they are so busy and they can’t get to something, or they can’t make time to meet, return a call, text, or e-mail. It’s the most ridiculous response I’ve heard repetitively in the business world and it infuriates me. We are not too busy! It’s in our nature, YOU are not busier than me – WE are all busy! WE must get to everything. There are no priorities, everything is a priority.
Let’s use this organization to bounce ideas off each other, to learn from each other, and to develop relationships that are meaningful in our professional environments. Let’s share our experiences, accomplishments, and challenges. As you may know, I battled an aggressive form of breast cancer during covid, a very lonely time. I’m telling you this story because it is a part of me and it’s not going away. I found strength within me that I didn’t know I had. The treatment for this devastating sickness breaks you down entirely. And then you get built back up, if you are lucky enough. My life changed forever…. But kid you not, I still worked! I purchased inventory, quoted jobs, responded to e-mails, and solved problems. However, there was still a slowness and emptiness to my efforts and Rob learned how to take over ALL my responsibilities in the business. He did everything he could possibly do and then came home to me, in the worse condition I have ever been. My relationships changed forever and so did my perspective. My son and my daughter took care of me, cried with me, and saw me at my worst. They held my hands and kissed my forehead. Adult chiIdren are spectacular and just being with them is enough. Enough to make your will to stay alive even stronger. I want to leave this earth knowing that I did everything I could to affect others, to teach, encourage, and enjoy. I hope that my legacy to my children and to everyone who lives within my circle of life is that you never give up, you always continue to push for what you want because if you do not, then someone else will. When things get tough, then you try harder and smarter.
I had the most beautiful moment with my daughter last weekend. Together we ran the 10K in the Baltimore Running Festival. I told Halle that when it became excruciating for me, I thought about my sickness and what I had been through physically and mentally. If I could do that, there’s no reason to stop running, I could get through a 10K. And Halle (who had just completed the MD State Bar with a passing grade), said to me, “Mom, I thought the same thing, I can do hard things!” I was beaming. Yes, Yes, we can do hard things!
Through this organization, we can hold each other up, embrace the ability to do hard things, and when life and work becomes challenging, we can build a true fellowship. We work with power and we lead with power.
In conclusion, I have a theory that everyone has a special talent but not everyone is able to discover it. For example, Michael Phelps realized that his arm span was so wide that he could become an Olympic swimmer. Taylor Swift learned that her singing and songwriting was special and she beat down doors in Nashville until someone gave her a chance. My son, Alec, can strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere, anytime and therefore, he sells floors! And Rob Blitzstein, my husband and President of Roesel-Heck, can predict what actors are going to say on tv minutes before they say it! Everyone has their talent. I discovered my talent too. My talent is to be a leader, give direction, and inspire others through modeling behavior and teaching. I proudly wear my badge called “Boss”. But, in recent years, I’ve been called “Survivor”. I always tell people that I don’t like that word. And I think that’s because my family, who know me best, always told me that I’d be the first voted out of that show! But would I? Would you?
